So.
Today was to have been my triumphant return to the blogosphere. I had an interview of a certain professor, and his findings regarding american children and sex, which I was going to analyse and critique. I also had a few opinions to raise about the current election race going on in america, and maybe throw in a humorous anecdote at the end.
Instead, I've got a budding headache and eyeache, another underutilised day, and just a general feeling of having not done enough. Its amazing, how when you try to live your life right, that it seems to shrink down to a bunch of tasks and objectives, which do not seem so important in and of themselves, but if you are determined (and I most certainly am), then accomplishing them becomes a major part of your day, as well as a heightened sense of accomplishment when they are done. This, to someone who doesn't achieve very much on a daily basis, is a BIG DEAL.
So I'm not gonna let it get me down. I strive always to resist the pull of human entropy, which itself is constant, until you either learn to deal with it or to ignore it. Its a slow process, little victories and accomplishments each day. Wake up. Get out of bed. Do one useful thing each day, then two, then more. Get out of the house (that hasn't been happening of late), walk around (resist the urge to buy any cancer sticks) and breathe the open air. Just...live one day at a time (I never really understood what that meant before).
Just live, learn to appreciate yourself, what you have and what you can do. Learn about yourself. Take a walk into your mind. Sit in quiet, and listen to what you have to say to yourself. If you are quiet, you can hear your mind telling you what to do (this does not include that subsection of society that hears voices telling them that there are spies in the ice cream; these people need to either receive or go back on their meds, and not listen to themselves too much, if at all), and how to go about fixing the mess you're currently in. Then, when you've learned that much, you can go about gathering the necessary energy to get up and accomplish these goals.
Its not easy. Not by a long shot. There were days when getting out of bed was my major accomplishment for the day. Those are, thank god, FAR behind me at this point. Now, its achieving what's on my little list of things to do each day. The tendency to ship my oars and just float is ever present, and sometimes I'll catch myself just wasting time, and I'll have to get up and get back to what I was doing.
One does not break the programming of years of living overnight.
But breaking it IS possible, and it takes guts, grit, and the willingness to take a lot of healthy criticism from all those around you that really, truly care for you (the ability to recognise which, my friends, is one of THE best skills you can ever acquire in your life, mark my words). It takes starting, stopping, starting again, falling over, getting up, brushing yourself off, maybe a sigh or two, and starting again. After a while, it stops being starting and starts to become continuing, and the periods in between the interruptions get smaller and smaller. That's where I'm headed, and I'm not stopping for nothing. I have too much people (and one beautiful young woman in particular) waiting and hoping for me to realise all I have to offer, and get to work offering it to the world (their words, not mine :) )
Anyway.
I'm tired, and my eyes and head hurts, but I now feel better. One more thing I can say that I did with my day, and one less thing to feel guilty over as I go to my rest this night.
Peace my friends, you will be seeing a lot more of me around these parts in the future. Yeah, yeah, I've said that before, I know....
Anyway.
Walk in the light, think happy thoughts, and for gods sake think before you act. I'll see you around.
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