Time to face facts.

So I recently came to a realisation, and one that I daresay is, and will be a life changing one.

I suffer from anxiety. Not your run of the mill anxiety either, but serious, crippling, makes-me-unable to function anxiety. It affects me in whatever I do, where ever I go, every moment of every minute of every hour of my life.

Hell, its affecting me even now as I type this in my living area, telling me that I won't finish this on time to get it up, that it won't be good enough, no one will want to read my entries, I'll die a failed writer, never having published a novel, much less a story.

True words. Let me give you a PERFECT example of what its like for me. Go watch Revolver by Guy Ritchie. The main site is here, and its overall a worthwhile watch, especially for fans of Ritchie's particular style. What goes on in my mind is very much equitable to what goes on in the main characters mind, with the constant paranoia, the doubting of the actions of others, and the overall confusion and questioning of all that goes on around him on a daily basis, culminating with that moment of self awareness in the elevator....by far my FAVOURITE scene in a movie to date, because my ability to relate to it so far surpasses most anything else that I've watched for entertainment. Also, the surreal heights that the movie takes his reality to is very much where I find myself sometimes....but whether this is because of the actuality, or simply my own mental shenanigans, is never quite clear to me.

Having decided this, I've also decided that its time I check myself back into a focused program of treatment, as I've realised that I never finished the previous program that I was on, for my chronic depression. Yes, I've been diagnosed with chronic depression, and if that's a surprise to you, then you must REALLY not have spent much time with me.

That's where I'm at, and that's what's in front of me. I've decided to put all this down on (digital) paper, as it seems to work for all the other patsy's that live out their lives in these digital domains, giving them some sense of catharsis as they go through their daily lives. God knows I could use some, along with a healthy helping of peace of mind.

Please read through my previous posts, I will be following up on them as time goes on. I'm not writing this with any serious aim in mind, just working through the pits and peaks that my life has been, and are, through the magic that is writing. Feel free to leave a comment, my only requirement being that you think before you write. Don't waste your time, or mine, with inane comments more suited for a message board arguing about *insert fan boy argument here*...and if you don't get that, then all the better for you.

Discovered Lady GaGa yesterday. This is probably due to my determined efforts to avoid the cultural pits that are MTV and BET and all their affiliates. She is so deliciously neo-eighties (is that even a term?) electronica and disco. She's gonna be in my playlist for a bit. Been listening to too much metal and rock lately, time to lighten the mood some.

So yeah, I'll be around, and hopefully so will you. Got a lot to say if you got the time to read it.

More as it develops.